As breastfeeding counselors, we often spend time expanding our clinical knowledge. We learn about latch, milk production, infant feeding behaviors, common breastfeeding challenges, and normal newborn development. While this knowledge is essential, it is only one part of effective breastfeeding support.

How we communicate with families can be just as important as what we know.

Parents may not remember every piece of information we share, but they will remember how we made them feel. Did they feel heard? Respected? Supported? Or did they leave feeling judged, overwhelmed, or discouraged?

Building trust is one of the most valuable skills a breastfeeding counselor can develop. Here are five counseling skills that help create supportive relationships while empowering families to make informed decisions.

1. Practice Active Listening

One of the most powerful things we can do is simply listen.

Many families have already received conflicting advice before reaching out for support. Some have spent hours searching the internet or speaking with well-meaning friends and family members. Before offering education, take time to understand their concerns.

Instead of immediately looking for solutions, consider asking:

• “Tell me what’s been going on.”
• “What concerns you the most?”
• “How has breastfeeding been feeling for you?”

These open-ended questions encourage conversation and often reveal valuable information that may not have been shared otherwise.

Active listening also helps families feel respected and validated, essential foundation for effective counseling. Practice active listening with your friends and family. Listen to listen, do not listen to respond.

2. Ask Open-Ended Questions

Questions that can be answered with “yes” or “no” often limit conversation.

Open-ended questions encourage parents to reflect on their experiences and provide more meaningful information.

For example, instead of asking:

“Is breastfeeding going well?”

Try asking:

• “How are feedings going?”
• “What has been the most challenging part of breastfeeding so far?”
• “What goals do you have for feeding your baby?”

These questions help counselors better understand the family’s priorities while encouraging collaborative discussions. Sometimes, parents do not know what is or isn’t normal with breastfeeding.

When we ask open-ended questions, we tend to get more information. This can help assess more of what challenges they might be facing.

3. Validate Before You Educate

Parents are often exhausted, emotional, and questioning whether they’re doing enough.

Before offering education or suggestions, acknowledge what they’re experiencing.

Simple statements such as:

• “That sounds incredibly frustrating.”
• “Many parents feel that way.”
• “You’re working really hard.”

can help families feel seen and understood.

Validation is not the same as agreeing with every concern or confirming every assumption. Instead, it acknowledges the parent’s experience while creating a safe space for learning.

Once families feel heard, they’re often more receptive to education. Never downplay how difficult something feels. Each person is unique. Fun fact: some people with red hair may feel pain sensations more intensely. This can also happen with someone who experiences sensory processing differences, such as autism, ADHD, etc. What might sound like “typical” adjustment pain to you, could be genuinely painful and not just discomfort.

4. Support Informed Decision-Making

Breastfeeding counselors provide education, not directives.

Rather than telling families what they should do, our role is to provide accurate, evidence-based information so they can make informed decisions in collaboration with their healthcare providers.

This means recognizing that every family has different goals, values, medical histories, and circumstances.

Supporting informed decision-making also means respecting those differences, even when a family’s choices may differ from what we would personally choose.

Counseling is most effective when it is family-centered rather than counselor-centered.

5. Recognize When to Refer

Trust also comes from knowing our scope of practice.

Breastfeeding counselors play an important role in educating and supporting families, but we are also part of a larger team.

Recognizing situations that require referral demonstrates professionalism and helps ensure families receive the care they need.

Examples may include concerns about inadequate weight gain, persistent nipple trauma, maternal infection, suspected oral restrictions, or other issues requiring evaluation by an IBCLC or healthcare provider.

Knowing when to refer doesn’t diminish the value of breastfeeding counselors. We are most helpful and professional when we understand our scope of practice.

Building Relationships That Last

Families rarely remember every statistic or recommendation they receive.

But they do typically remember how they were treated.

Did someone listen without interrupting?

Did someone acknowledge their concerns?

Did someone help them feel capable rather than criticized?

These moments build trust, and trust creates opportunities for effective education.

Clinical knowledge is essential, but effective counseling combines evidence-based information with compassion, active listening, and respectful communication.

As breastfeeding counselors, we have the privilege of supporting families during an important chapter of their lives. By continuing to strengthen our counseling skills alongside our clinical knowledge, we can help families feel informed, confident, and empowered throughout their feeding journey.

Not already a breastfeeding counselor? Get started today and become a Certified Breastfeeding Counselor.